at a crux

My parents are extremely supportive of my theatre career choice and without their emotional and financial support there is no way I could have the freedom to be doing this right now. That said, a couple weeks ago my dad and I were chatting about my future and he made the comment that at some point the fun will have to end. I'm not really sure what he meant when he said it and it didn't bother me because I too feel the "fun" of this lifestyle wearing thin, but now I stand at a real crossroads and I have no idea what direction the Lord is wanting to take me in.

I could go home. I have great friends there, a thriving body of believers, plenty of contacts who would hire me up in a second, and there is great theatre produced there. The part of me that wants to be found by a wonderful guy and have a stable, familiar life full of love and sunshine beckons me to Birmingham.

But I have this option in front of me. 6 months commitment to the city that holds my dreams. I have just returned from a quick trip there on which I was reminded of both the very frustrating things of living there, but also the parts that make my soul soar. I'd be risking all my finances, I would invariably feel lonely, and sometimes I fear that too long a stint there would callous my heart to seeking to serve others. And of course there is always that looming fear that I just might not be good enough for my dream. And though I'm confident the Lord has prepared a way...the BEST way...for His name and glory, the possibility of squashed dreams is never an experience to look forward to.

Even as I weigh my thoughts in these lines, I pretty much know which way I'll go. But man, it makes me scared. I'm totally trusting here and if it is not God's leading me but only my ambition or stubbornness, then Father save me from myself and send me home or elsewhere! Oh why do I have this great dream?!