the crack of my heart

"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Prov. 16:25
How do you know if you're where you should be or if you might unwittingly be on a ruinous trek?

For two years the Lord has led me with a suitcase in one hand and my Sword in the other in pursuit of a career in musical theatre. And it has truly been by HIS hand. I am fascinated by the way the Lord so clearly has led me and His very perfect timing in revealing each next step and placing me in the lives of souls who needed to hear His truth. However, I have come to The crux. By every means of human sense, I should continue on this path...up and on...reach that dream, girl! But there is a new disquiet and to keep treading the path He so far has led me on would from hence forth be folly and most assuredly lead in destruction. For He has set steps of holiness for me to walk in that are on a less glamorous and totally different trajectory.

"They rushed down to the Jordan to meet the king. They crossed the shallows of the Jordan to bring the king's household across the river, helping him in every way they could." 2 Samuel. 19:17b-18
Am I in the best position to make every effort I can in my short days on earth to bring the king's household over the river?

I read this verse one Saturday in August and my heart cracked and up from it flooded the Holy Spirit's voice. Question after question He poured into my mind testing my allegiance to my God and revealing the hold I had allowed this "career" to have over me. And I was left with one burning thought...am I truly willing to lose my life/dreams/expectations and deny myself for the sake of His kingdom?

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Genesis 28:15

No more questions. Just waiting on Him now to continue the reveal of His will. He has flip-flopped my heart and what I would have belittled three months ago as "settling" in life, I now prize dearly and cannot imagine anything greater than returning to the land I was brought up in and giving my life away to disciple and encourage the next generation. Once again His ways are so much higher and I find in them the salvation of the life I would inevitably lose if I went my own way. Lead on, O King...I am your bond-slave and it is no great credit to the servant for carrying out the Master's orders. Thank you for patiently guiding my heart to hear your instructions correctly.

Happy 46 Day!!

So...I'm nearly halfway through my VeggieTales Live touring experience. I thought this day would never come and yet now that it almost has, I am filled with the awareness that the next six weeks will seemingly fly by and I will soon be on a jet plane home once again. Orlando marks the exact center in both the number of our shows (92 in all) and weeks we're out on the road. I thought I'd give a little taste to any reading friends ; ) of what my typical day as a grape looks like...

I generally get up somewhere between the hours of 8:00 and 10:30 am...earlier if I've planned a phone date with my Italian transplanted sister who is 7 (sometimes 9) hrs. ahead of where I usually am...and later if it's been a particularly bumpy ride the night before. (Thank Heavens Colorado is behind us!)

I unsnap my bunk curtain and slowly push it down to the end of my bunk, hoping to not disturb any later sleepers.

Reaching my toes across the skinny aisle, I find the edge of Shannon's bunk and matrix my way out of my 3rd story loft gripping bunk ledges wherever blankets or arms aren't hanging out. Grabbing my carry on bag from the junk bunk and photo lanyard (so they know I'm legit) I fumble out into our bus's kitchenette and front lounge. Ben, our driver is usually enjoying some coffee or his last meal of the day before he heads to a hotel to sleep off the sunlight hrs and prepare for another night's journey. We exchange some pleasantries while I make my oatmeal and try to remember what city we've landed in.

If I'm not up too early, Daily Announcements might be posted so I check my duty for the day and find out what the schedule for eating and performing looks like. Most days we perform twice, but the times are different for each location. I head into the venue (nearly always a large church), ducking in and out of the crew's way as they instruct the local stagehands where to push all our equipment. I attempt to smile at some yet am fully cognizant of how ridiculous I look in pajamas, hair a-mess, clutching my things and searching around corners for the closest bathroom.

After getting all ready for the day I poke around and get to know the church layout a bit. How big is the backstage area today? Are we dancing on 4 marley or a tight 3? What nook will I return to later with my Biblia? Ahh...catering. I check out what's left from breakfast and eat a snack if I deem it worthy or need a little egg in my life.

Or maybe it's one of those days and I've completely missed the boat for breakfast and quickly get myself together before warm-ups and lunch. Two hours before our first show, the eleven performers assemble onstage and a few vie over who's playlist we'll warm-up to...30 stretch-filled minutes later we set ourselves to the routine tasks of unloading wardrobe cases and presetting. My everyday job is to locate electric outlets backstage and set up clip lamps. I feel I'm gaining skill at this job for it used to be quite a source of frustration in my day... or at least the last string of venues have been cooperative with my goal :D Regardless, it's usually an opportunity to remind myself I'm working for the Lord not men...

I pretty myself up and 10 min. to places pull on the white-washed jeans/leggings I wear for most of the show. Our first two numbers are hip-hoppy and our awesome costumer, Selina, heard my initial cries of not feeling "hip" enough and got me these Hannah Montana sunglasses so now I feel super-bad ;)

45 hyped-up minutes later and I've got a near half hour intermission (it takes these little ones quite a while to cycle through the restrooms!). This is usually the point in my day to check in with Mom or text friends. Hunter calls places and I'm back in position for another 50 min. of dancing around (and in!) veggies trying to match the energy levels of our dancing audience members. It's a joy to see them going crazy over bubbles or Mr. Lunt's ridiculous costumes. "there's never ever ever ever....etc.....been a show like VeggieTales" and I waddle off at the blackout. From there it's either a reset for the next show or a quick half hour of packing our things up so the crew can start load out.

At the end of our night, we grab a bite from our 4th meal and head to hotel rooms to shower. Once everyone is showered, our home comes rolling up and we pile on...some to watch movies, some to have a drink and party in the back lounge, or others like me don't take linger too long before curling up in our bunks with a book.

We don't really have a set schedule of days off, but sometimes we'll go a few days and then have a day off in a random city halfway between locations. Generally on our days off we chill at a hotel and explore whatever's around...I've seen enough malls to satiate any desire I had to be in one for a long time! But it's all good and I find that after a day off or a one-show day, I'm always ready to do the show again and I've missed elements of it. This is certainly a grand adventure and I feel so blessed to have a good job doing what I love to do with such a fun group of people!

A paradigm shift on being single

"As single women, we need to stop treating men as if they are our husbands. We are created with a nature that longs to serve and please a man, but when we do this, we take away his desire for a wife...Also, if women are giving men companionship outside of marriage, he will never hunger for female companionship inside marriage. Women have the ability to create a void in a man's life so he will become self-motivated to fill it with the presence of a wife."
from the book: Emotional Purity by Heather Arnel Paulsen
www.emotionalpurity.blogspot.com *much of the ideas below where instilled in my heart through her writing ministry*

These words uncover a whole other element to why churches seem to be filled with godly single men and women having deep desires to marry and yet not making any steps toward that calling. Too much fellowship may be the case. In a very real way, we rob the future spouses of our single brothers and sisters by fulfilling in small ways his/her need for a companion. We women are so ready to jump up and serve a prospective mate, bake him cookies, pump up his ego by paying him special attention, or respect him by hanging on his every word. Men rob women of our loneliness (the door by which we will find our contentment in Christ alone) by inviting us to be emotionally vulnerable, affirming us in more than brotherly ways, and by spending one-on-one time (even if merely for fun) without the express intent of moving towards marriage.

It used to not be like this. In our grandparents' day, single men and women didn't have such easy access to spending time with each other or talking on the phone/texting/facebooking for hours on end and in such convenience. Men had to step up and ask young women out, thereby making it known to everyone his interest in getting to know one girl better. And she was better protected emotionally by the confines of time (she had to be returned to her dorm or home at a specific time) and knowing (by the nature of him asking her out) that he valued her more than as "just a friend". What happens now is that single men and women are over-available to each other in hang-out time and emotions and this lessens the need for defining relationships and creates an atmosphere where each are receiving just enough of their "needs" (for man and woman were indeed created for each other) so that they do not hunger as much for marriage, and yet are using up emotions and experiences meant to be shared with a life partner.

Both the sexes need to pause and taking an accurate assessment of his/her relationships. Are we invoking feelings in each other without the expressed intent of moving towards marriage? Do we treat one another as brothers and sisters and as though the other person's spouse (or ours!) were present in our conversations? In what relationships are we intimate where there is no commitment? How is this crippling him/her from having eyes fixed upon the Lord's work and preparing to build a godly family?

This way of looking at cross-gender relationships comes at great cost to the feelings of pride and value we get from our flirtations and premature emotional connections, and it requires a much larger God than we often find ourselves believing in. Do we really believe that He is a Master Weaver, fully able to direct man's steps (Jer. 10:23), or that He is a Good God who longs for His children to trust in Him fully that He might pour out His blessings on them (Mt. 7:7-11)?

"My heart is confident in you, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart!" Psalm 108:1

"Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.
With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God.
I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great." Psalm 86:11-13a

re-learning to trust and wait

Joyful are those who obey His laws
and search for Him with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil and they walk only in His paths.
You have charged us to keep Your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed
when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn your righteous regulations,
I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees, please don't give up on me!
How can a young person stay pure?
By obeying your Word. I have tried hard to find you -
don't let me wander from your commands.
Psalm 119:2-10

Hidden in Him

I've been steeping these past few weeks in this whole idea of doing things for God's glory...particularly for me, performing for His glory, not my own. What a bizarre job that you go and bust your tail (like any other hard working employee) and then at the end of your work you are applauded with cheers and standing ovations. And beyond that...people then wait outside the door for your exit to tell you thank you and what a great job you did...WHAT?! This is insanity and the perfect explanation for why as performers we can get so in our heads about our work and be constantly judging ourselves (in both a positive and negative light) based on our perception of the audience's enjoyment. It may seem like a dream to many, but for a believer in the performing arts, the battle to keep a quiet heart focused on His purposes is that much more intense.

I read a devotional writing on this very issue last week and was encouraged to remember that performing for His glory is not about stamping the name of Jesus on whatever we do, but that when we do something with the focus of our hearts being pure before Him and aiming to please Him above all, then it will be manifest through us and He will get the glory. And likewise, that it is not only before humans we perform, but that there is a whole realm of spiritual beings looking on and when God is glorified in our hearts and lives, they applaud His glory as well! What a different perspective that brings to this art!

slightly humorous and sobering anecdote:
Last weekend before our Thurs. night performance, I was spending time praying about all this and asking the Lord to make my heart pure in performing for Him and take out my vain conceit. First number... I go out on stage and feel really connected to my work and in-the-moment. I start wondering who is out in the audience seeing this great work I am doing...oh what hubrous! the exact antithesis of the heart I'd been praying for! End of the number... my character gets frustrated and hrumphs offstage...the supernatural happened that night and God's judgement landed on me. While hrumphing, I hit myself in the eye with my hand and shattered my hard contact in my eye!! I walked offstage and couldn't see a thing and my eye was killing me! I had a rather brisk costume change to undergo before my next scene but my dressing room mates helped remove the shrapnels and squirt some saline in my reddening eye. Immediately upon happening, I knew in my heart I had been performing for MY glory and He was answering my prayer of teaching me to do the opposite. The rest of the show I was utterly dependent on Him to keep me from pirouetting into the orchestra pit or other characters and you better believe that entire show was a marathon prayer asking for grace and His power. And what a magnificent time I had carrying Him all over that stage with me! And in addition, His name was praised all over the place backstage that weekend as castmates asked me how I was doing and whether I could see!!

Fast forward a week...
New contact in, a few days of rest in my body and we're back in the game. First number of the show...again, I felt super connected and a great energy, this time, however, I felt that healthy fear of the Lord and wondered instead of who was out in the audience seeing ME, but who was out there that the Lord wanted to touch through seeing me do great work. The whole show I felt in my heart that He was touching my performance and enabling me to go even further and I was singing His praises the whole show for the abilities He's given me and how He upholds me.
I can remember when I was doing West Side how incredibly in-tune with the Lord I felt during those shows, like the wings were an entrance to the place where I offered myself to Him and the whole show was a beautiful melody of depending on His provision and singing His love song. It is amazing though how we lose over time these sacred learnings. I feel I'm constantly re-learning His grace, trusting in Him alone, and looking to the interest of others above myself. Keep me in this cycle, Lord...your conviction of sin is my greatest joy.

It's not been what I've expected...but I guess it rarely is. Heartaches and begging God to show Himself have been at every turn this summer accompanied by frustration that His ways are not my ways. Or sometimes they are, but my timing's off of His. O Lord! Heal your children. Father, open her eyes to Your gospel! Please reveal yourself and grant hope to these that have lost their way. This is who You are...this is Your character...do Your work, O God! I would have despaired that He hears my voice except that I hear His. My greatest blessing these days is conviction of sin...yes, Lord, I hear You loud and clear there...thank You, don't ever stop, 'cause that's how I know we're connected. I dare not go up from here if Your Presence is not with me. And if You are there, then all I can do in these heartbreaks is trust that You are who You say You are: You are good - You care far more for Your children than I...You are sovereign - You have the power to change hearts and circumstances...Thus: You're timing is not mine. You are still at work and You are in the business of revealing next steps not life plans. And as long as Your Presence is with me...the next step is all I desire.

another suitcase, another hall

ah, yes, dearest friends...it is definitely time for a little update.

Two months in Birmingham have come and gone and in the life of Anna Joy Blackmon, that means it's time to move across the country and change my life. I do in fact leave here on Friday to spend the next couple months with my dear sister in Washington D.C. I'll be helping her with my precious niece and nephew while she finishes her Masters work and her husband works in Italy preparing for their move there this summer. Yes, Rachie and Pepper are moving to Naples, Italy for three years! I'm very excited for them and I just try not to even think of the terms "miss" and "distance". The Lord's hand is all over this move, so we will deal with the hard effects as we go along.

I am incredibly grateful for how the Lord organized the time I got to spend here at home. I have worked almost every day as a substitute for Briarwood Christian, mainly on the elementary campus but also for the junior high and high school. I have enjoyed this position very much and look forward to coming back to it when I am home...maybe...some day in the future...I guess you never really know if you'll return to a place. I've also been employed choreographing for 2 high school productions and another high school group that I work with in the summers. I thought after Holidazzle that I was creatively done for the time being with choreographing and just needed to go and be inspired by performing someone else's work besides my own, but the Lord gave me the creativity I needed and I had a ton of fun, especially working on "West Side Story" for my alma mater!


The theme of my heart during this time home has been pretty consistent with the general theme of my life the past year....trust. Trust, trust, trust that the Lord is the Keeper of tomorrow and that His plans are good, perfect, and always revealed in the moment we need to know them. I am constantly revisiting the spiritual altars I've built along my journey where Christ has manifested Himself to me in powerful ways and proven His faithfulness to grant me everything that I need. I've been spending much of my Bible time reading again of the early nation of Israel and how forgetful she was of God's sovereign and GOOD hand on her. Oh, may I not be as stiff-necked as she in remembering daily who holds my very breath and appoints its comings and goings.

So whatever these next two months, this year, this future holds for me...I'm excited for the adventure knowing that He who has always been my Helper will continue to strengthen, guide, and love me until the Day of His Return. Maranatha!

True Love's Kiss

If you haven't seen the movie Enchanted yet, I highly advise taking some young relatives out with you to see it this holiday! Hunger for meaty intellectual vittles it doesn't feed, but is perfect fodder to inspire the heart. And it reminds me of days in S. Florida, twirling down sidewalks! Oh, the innocence and purity of it all. Thoughts of the Pevensies and words of C.S. Lewis I once read about believing miracles are mixing in my mind and I don't have much verbal output on it all except that I believe it to be a good thing to dream and to not rule out the possibilities of Andalasia and flying reindeer. And innocence and optimism, tempered with wisdom, are good traits in ourselves, that should be nurtured, not squelched, even if the rest of the human group marches on to the beat of 'show me'.

sad...!

I feel sad. But. I feel okay with that. I like to sit and stare. And the pep people usually associate with me is slower in coming out right now. But I don't feel sad that I'm sad or bitter about it. Maybe it's just that something's missing and I feel a sadness deep down, so I'm sad, but because I don't know what it is...I can't really be sad over it. I remember after my friend Natalee died, that months later when I was still just...sad...I thought, 'Well this just must be how it goes. You reach a point in your life where you realize that life is just hard and from there on out it's just a battle. But then I had really good times after that. A year and a half later I went through my most happiest to-date. For months I couldn't wait to get up everyday and drink in each experience that was waiting for me. So I sense that it's an ebb and flow. And I'm really thankful for that perspective this time around. I'm settled in my sadness and I appreciate its lessons. So, in a way, I really feel kind of happy about it.

Really really important to me right now...

"But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." 2 Timothy 1:12

at a crux

My parents are extremely supportive of my theatre career choice and without their emotional and financial support there is no way I could have the freedom to be doing this right now. That said, a couple weeks ago my dad and I were chatting about my future and he made the comment that at some point the fun will have to end. I'm not really sure what he meant when he said it and it didn't bother me because I too feel the "fun" of this lifestyle wearing thin, but now I stand at a real crossroads and I have no idea what direction the Lord is wanting to take me in.

I could go home. I have great friends there, a thriving body of believers, plenty of contacts who would hire me up in a second, and there is great theatre produced there. The part of me that wants to be found by a wonderful guy and have a stable, familiar life full of love and sunshine beckons me to Birmingham.

But I have this option in front of me. 6 months commitment to the city that holds my dreams. I have just returned from a quick trip there on which I was reminded of both the very frustrating things of living there, but also the parts that make my soul soar. I'd be risking all my finances, I would invariably feel lonely, and sometimes I fear that too long a stint there would callous my heart to seeking to serve others. And of course there is always that looming fear that I just might not be good enough for my dream. And though I'm confident the Lord has prepared a way...the BEST way...for His name and glory, the possibility of squashed dreams is never an experience to look forward to.

Even as I weigh my thoughts in these lines, I pretty much know which way I'll go. But man, it makes me scared. I'm totally trusting here and if it is not God's leading me but only my ambition or stubbornness, then Father save me from myself and send me home or elsewhere! Oh why do I have this great dream?!

a Mango-shaped space

Just returned home(?) from the island of enchantment with a stop-over in the sunshine peninsula. Reflecting on the time spent in my second home city, my thoughts are jumbled with longing for what were the best days of my life so far and pure awe at how I ever survived them. Long days filled with high responsibility, constant stimulation, and a myriad of faces to spend time with interrupted gratefully yet all too quickly by semester endings and occasional hurricane fiestas. Even with no responsibilities and knowing far fewer faces than ever before, I am exhausted by the past few days' activities of reconnecting with old friends and recounting to each other the recent wins and losses. While frolicking in the spectacular new library with one such friend, I saw a book jacket that was featured among others as great new books to read. I stole its title to give nomenclature to this post and stole it also for my heart to give label to a feeling I often experience.

Sauntering down Olive to a tune in my head, I'm met by two of my favorites, one on handlebars the other pedaling hard rushing to class from...Mango. Worn from the day but not yet ready to wake up to the next, I plop on a red plaid couch in a room that contains elation in ...Mango. Checking email on the internet-serviced lawn, Tucker, Tammy and I are interrupted by a slew of rolls snowballed back and forth that inevitably leads to a knock-down, kick and slap gorilla fight at...Mango. Fresh fish, famous mashed potatoes, church leftovers, early morning pancakes, and decadent Ghirardelli brownies enjoyed within...Mango. Hammocks sway while Micho Acana melts under a dinosaur tree with...Mango. Always best in costume, fighting for best in lip-sync, worshipped by underclass girls, leading ministries and unintentionally good intramurals, kayaking out to engagements, chugging milk gallons, and forming bike gangs, the campus looked curiously to...Mango.

These things form within me a space where I retreat to when my journey of constant transition is overwhelming. I want to go back, but I have this secure hope that the best is still coming. I'm convinced the New Earth will be Mango-shaped.

Jesus +

The Puerto Rico team is walking through Colossians right now and at last week's team time the word that was spoken was timely and necessary for the training of my heart. Ronnie Garcia spoke to us about how the Colossian church was being infiltrated with "Jesus +" theology....the gospel and a little ceremonialism. Or the gospel + worship of angels. Or + asceticism, etc. Ronnie made the point that it is not possible to sustain lifelong fervor for Christ if we operate in Jesus + mode. Christ is to be pre-immenent in all things or we end up performing for Him and burning out.

I've located some of the plus-es in my heart that I add to the Gospel and I know that naming them is the first and perhaps greatest step. My natural bent though is now that I've located a problem, to put some restrictions on myself in this area or practice resisting my indulgences. This though is nothing more than the asceticism and rules that dominates living in a Jesus + frame of mind and is exactly what Paul wrote the Colossians to rid themselves of!

Just give me Jesus!!! I desperately want Christ to be so all-consuming in my thoughts in these areas (and all my life!) that rules and regulations fall away and I'm led in step with His spirit. Come quickly, Lord, and bring your kingdom to my heart to reign supremely through and through.

Boot Camp

One of the things that I'm loving about my time here in PR is that after being away since December, I'm back in a spiritual atmosphere where the main drive of those I'm around is pouring their lives out for the name of Christ and I am trying to soak this in and remind myself again of why I'm here...where we're all going...what in life is important...

As a means to this soul and head reconnection, I've become a huge fan in the past two weeks of downloading John Piper's sermons at desiringgod.org. I am still blown away that they post his stuff for free!! He has really been reminding me that life is war. It is not about making my life comfortable or exciting and I have to ask myself if what I'm giving myself to is part of the battle or the luxury of independence.

One of the women for whom I hold the highest regard and hope to emulate has been accustomed to waking up at 4:30 every day, ever since her kids were young (30+ years) for the purpose of joining in the battle in prayer. On account of little sleep, this dear warrior often falls asleep at functions as evening approaches, but such tremendous fruit has been wrought from her life and ministry and when human eyes are fully unveiled to the enduring combat, what scores of souls will be dancing at her passage into glory!

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggles is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:10-12

ya tengo que salir?

A week from tomorrow I'll be crossing a bit of sea to reach my post for the next couple of months. Man, I hope I'm learning all the lessons that I'm supposed to be during this time of life. I can see how on the other end I'll be more adaptable and flexible and trusting of His plan and I hope a whole heaping lot less selfish. Leaving for Puerto Rico has majorly snuck up on me, but I'm ready for the next thing. The past two months at home have been a huge blessing, but it's time to be stretched again and learn life as a new-rican. I miss my friends and wish I could carry them around to my new adventures, but then I guess I wouldn't be learning the forestated lessons if I had their constant support. Okay. Here we go. A couple weeks of upheaval and resettlement and then I'll be so grateful to be down there serving and supporting the missionary families I'll be with.

New Headshots...hehe

This is really quite ridiculous! I'm in the midst of choosing a new headshot photo and am combing through photos to choose two or three that will market me to prospective employers. Staring at my face is both enlightening and sometimes scary. Enlightening because I realize now what other people see when I make certain faces (and it usually isn't what I imagined the expression to look like) and scary because, well...see below.



So, apparently I have this one eye (my right to be exact) that closes halfway a lot (I believe to the left is my typical "hmm...very interesting" face when I'm listening) The photographer kept telling me to give more energy to that eye...yeah, what follows is how far I got with that...






you can see I'm trying very hard... :)













Thankfully with close to 200 shots, there are enough that caught me with both eyes open. To redeem the former photos, here are a few actual possibilities...

"Image-building is any way we intentionally make ourselves seem different - and usually more - than we really are...the attempt to make impressions that are bigger than we are...We don't want to confuse image-building with an honest attempt to look or do our best, but...a fine line separates the two. Sometimes only the height of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit can signal when we've crossed the line." Beth Moore - Daniel Bible Study

Home is such a comfortable and refreshing place, and yet I find that I am more self-concious here than anyplace else. The familiar faces that helped raise me have turned into my peers and the desire to impress can be maddening. I am who I am, who I've turned out to be, for better and worse, and my journey is not over yet. Accept it, AJ, and be an open book about the grace He's shown you and the love you've received...the rest of the story is rather inconsequential.

the second in the series

"Oh, children," said the Lion, "I feel my strength coming back to me. Oh, children, catch me if you can!" ...It was such a romp as no one has ever had except in Narnia...And the funny thing was that when all three finally lay together panting in the sun the girls no longer felt in the least tired or hungry or thirsty.

It is time to depart from Wichita, Kansas.

Oh, how wonderful it has been and I am full of thanks for my new church family here that has enveloped me and made me a guest of honor. I know my spirit would not have made it through the tests and battles it has undergone without their constant encouragement. I'm sad to leave them but I greatly anticipate the refreshment of this upcoming week; to romp with my very best friends in New York City and soak up precious time with my other half (Sister). How I wish and long for the day when Aslan and I will play chase throughout the heavens and my soul find complete rest and glorification in Him. God is so wonderful to provide until then, such wonderful friendships through which we can experience His roar of love as a respite for our tired and thirsty war wounds.

choreography is a beast!

"He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead, or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." Romans 4:19-21

Oh, yeah...a precious promise just for me!

Twenty-something

So I guess I had fair warning. Since junior high (at least) I've been told that the most awkward stage of life was yet to come. Okay, so maybe the one I was in was MOST awkward, but there was another to come...that of my twenties. Thrilling...but trepidatious. Navigating the Christian single scene was not a place I ever hoped to be caught dead in.

I remember my junior high Bible study leader being 24 or 26 and gasp! she wasn't married and didn't even have a boyfriend!! Oh, how we secretly pitied her but smiled and agreed that Prince Someone would come. He eventually did and she got her happy ever after but I believe that many of my friends took to college that desperate need to find some guy who could pose as perfect and wed shortly after graduation so as not to embark upon this frightening stage alone.

None of us thought it would be me, but c'est la vie, I am the one that attends their weddings alone. And despite what my younger self (and I'm sure my high school dancers) imagine of me, I couldn't be gladder of where I am.

Oh, I may hope for a date when I meet someone great and occasionally try out my name in front of some guy's last, but my Jesus bubble is such a blessing and has kept me from much heartache.

Yeah..."Jesus bubble"...that's what my Wichita cast members cited as the reason I didn't go out on dates. I told them that I had been praying since some time in college that God would keep me from the pursuance of any guy until it was the right one and He has amazingly come through on that one.

Anyways, I find myself right now spending great time with three amazing guy friends of all different temperaments and I think half of the problem of being in your early twenties is that your not yet of the wisdom (or desperation) to know that with ANY believer, marriage is about your relationship with God and simply making a commitment to love whomever the Lord has brought you together with from that day forward. But that is where I hope to find myself as I walk further in this season of life. Make me know, Lord, that it is YOU who makes a marriage. Get me out of my head and personality analizations enough for Your supernatural direction in this area to reign over my reasoning. My life is Yours, Lord, put me with whomever You desire me to partner with in building the kingdom.