Day 3

Today is the first day that I've really felt sick. The first day was more about resisting cravings and yesterday I really only had one craving when one of my roomates made some cinnamon toast in the morning. Yesterday afternoon though, I got a slight headache and by 10:30 pm I was absolutely done and fell into my bed with tiredness and a much worse headache. I skipped my morning classes today because I felt so sick. The salt water has become easier and easier each day though. I was surprised yesterday how much easier it was than the first day and then this morning I just chugged it down like nothing...well, almost.

The five of us had "dinner" together last night. I put our drinks in wine glasses and served it on a tray in our living room. It was fun and we all left very encouraged. We talked a lot about the spiritual side of this fast which really wasn't at all our intent going into it, but at least for me it is impossible to fast like this unless I am depending on the Lord and there is a higher reason for me doing it than just cleansing my body. One of my all-time favorite books is A Hunger for God by John Piper. It is a beautiful book on Biblical fasting. I went back over that the other night and have been reminding myself and my fellow adventurers about its truth. Here are a few little snipits:

"From time to time we need to test ourselves to see if we have begun to love His gifts in place of God."
"The aim of fasting is that we come to rely less on food and more on God."
"Will I find spiritual communion with God sweet enough, and hope in His promises deep enough, not just to cope, but to flourish and rejoice in Him? Or will I rationalize away my need to fast and retreat to the medication of food?"

I am so inspired by this book, which uses Foster's Celebration of Disciplines (another amazing book) as a resource and for some great quotes. It has taught me more about this area of my relationship with the Lord and cultivating, through fasting, a longing for Him and for His kingdom.

all psychology enthusiasts, read on

I anticipate that my blogs will take on a new level of unusualness for the next ten days. You see today is Day 1 of a Master Detox adventure that me, Jess, Candice, CLiff and Patrick have embarked on together. Heaven help us! They have been planning on doing this ridiculous, awful lemonade fast for a week now. I stayed away from their propaganda because I wanted no part in it. They had set today as the day to begin so I made them a good dinner last night and somehow over the course of that dinner I went from total disdain of this idea to full participation in it. Here is what the next 10 days entail for me eating-wise:

**Every morning we chug 1 quart of water mixed with 2 tsp. sea salt - after experiencing this morning's chug I can tell you this is by far the most awful thing I have ever done. This will be the hardest part, but also the thing that cleanses your system the most.
**Throughout the day we drink 6-12 glasss of this lemonade mixture which is 1 cup water, 2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice, and 1 tbsp Grade B molasses. This actually tastes good, but the smell is what we will get sick of the quickest.
**We also take 2-3 cayenne pepper supplements throughout the day.
**Before bed we drink this detox laxative tea - and let me tell you, it works.

That's the deal I've gotten myself into. I think really I just didn't want to be left out of this adventure they are having. Also, I recently blogged about wanting to eat better and get control of my cravings, but it just hasn't happened so this is a way of breaking me of my dependency on food. I also got a call last night that West Side Story rehearsals, which was one of the biggest things holding me back from the diet because I need all my energy for rehearsals, are cancelled this week due to One Acts. So here we go...I might go crazy for a few days...if you see me on campus and I'm unusually crabby you now know why. I give you full permission though to walk up and tell me to 'get over it'.

i want my daddy back!

This past week we had Christival, a yearly conference at PBA intended to evangelize and spiritually refresh students. Vodie Bacchum was this year's speaker and I cannot overemphasize how amazing it was. If you ever get a chance to hear him, go! His teaching was straight from the Word and delivered in such a clear and fresh way. As a woman, I was so encouraged by his message on Biblical manhood. It was directed at all the young ladies in the room, whom he called his daughters for that session. It was a challenge to us not to let our desire for a husband overrule our need to be led by a strong man of God and it validated in me the vision that I have for a future marriage and family. This hope that I have is so often crushed and distorted that I struggle to believe it truly exists, but I know that it does. I think that godly men really do want someone to see in them the potential to be something great and they will rise to it if they are challenged and that is what Dr. Bacchum did for the guys on our campus that day. Christival ended Thurs. evening and all day Friday I felt grieved not to be able to go and receive more truth for my soul. But my time alone with the Lord has been so much richer and deeper the past two days then it was before because I am hungering for that level of Bible study and application that I've gotten all week. Too much we let ourselves drift back to spiritual milk and don't take the time to make ourselves a real dinner in the Word!

my roomates: did you kiss him yet??!!

In rehearsals today we worked on a scene in which Tony and Maria must be intimate with each other...it is where they playfully, yet seriously, recite wedding vows to each other...and needless to say, me and my Tony just aren't there yet with each other. Today was a good step though. It is just such a strange thing because we are making ourselves fall in love with each other (or at least a part of ourselves that is this character) and yet we know from the outset that we are quasi rejecting each other. How can I explain this? In real life, when falling in love there is this natural give and take vulnerability that builds over time as the level of commitment grows deeper. In acting though, we must be completely vulnerable with each other in a real way for the audience to believe our relationship, yet there is none of that strength of a real relationship to back it up. Needless to say...we still have quite a ways to go in rehearsals before we can believably and yet not too awkwardly kiss.

sugar tirade

It is both funny and very saddening how addicted to sugar we allow ourselves to get. My eating habits are all thrown off still from Christmas break and the horrible amounts of unhealthiness that I took in. I go into the kitchen to decide on dinner now and my cravings are all over the place so that I end up eating a little bit of everything attempting to satisfy that one spot in my tastebuds. No more, I say. It is past the time to get control of this. Candice and Cliff are starting this horrible detox diet thing where for a week you only drink this lemondade concoction and salt water and they have tried to convince me to join in the purifying enlightenment so that even my joints will be fully purged of waste. I at least gave it a few days thought before saying no thank you...good luck to them. I just need to cut out all sweets (except for fruit...I live off fruit) and one meal at a time reform the way I view food. It shouldn't be that hard to pass by one brownie - it isn't like it is the last opportunity I'll ever have to taste that goodness. I use food too much for comfort rather than depending on the Lord and using food for sustenance.

I'm gonna be brunette!

When I was auditioning for the role of Maria in PBA's upcoming production of West Side Story, I got nothing but encouragement about how fun it would be to dye my hair for the role and be brunette for a little while. Once I was actually cast, however, the whole world seemed to gasp and I have heard horror story after horror story of how my hair will turn purple or green or the dye will never come out because I'm so blond and several of my closer guy friends have threatened the loss of our friendship if I do this. But I am committed and thankfully the school has assured me that they will spend the money once the show is over to return my hair to its previous condition. (Thank God for that 'cause the bill will most definitely be expensive!) I still think it will be a very shocking and fun experience to be brunette for a couple weeks...so, sorry guys our friendship is up. Since we started rehearsals this week I have realized that along with the daily questions about my hair, I'm going to have to get used to the constant badgering of my friends over whether we've rehearsed the kissing scenes yet. Oh dear Lord, high school all over again!

warning: this blog will make you jealous

I live in one of THE most beautiful places in the world! I just got back from a glorious bike ride down the Lake Trail on the island...sun shining with a crisp breeze, beautiful mansions on the water...the kind of thing I'll be doing in Heaven one day.

Only one week since I've been back and yet it seems like much longer. It has been one fun experience after another, with a little class in between. Yesterday we slept in and then the roomies went to Dontee's for breakfast where we soaked up a long overdue 2 hours together. Then a group of us went up to Stuart to help David and Alan work on their boat. They recently were given a sunken boat provided they could raise it from its place of capsizement and restore it. So they worked all of break and the result is this amazing boat that they plan to sail around the Caribbean this summer! They have put so much money into making it nice...new mahogany and oak all in the cabin, a tight GPS system...it really is beautiful and takes its maiden voyage (at least with its new owners) tomorrow! I helped them clean the cabin some more and wax a part of it. After we got back, some of my very best girlfriends and I went for a sunset bike ride on the island, which I've already expressed in this blog how glorious an activity this is for me. Then we made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and watched an old classic: The Babysitter's Club. What a ridiculous day?! I will generally refrain in my blog from merely telling a day's events, but how can I help it when I've experienced such a day as I've recounted? The truth is: I get these kinds of days a lot...who am I?

pba myth-buster

We have this great chapel on campus donated to us primarily by the DeSantis family and I have always heard from the powers that be that the cross on the top of the bell tower is the highest point on our campus. I have always found this to be a dubious assertion but just taken their word for it. Well, I was walking today in between the Quattelbaum funeral home and the Greene complex from the music building to the theatre and I now take my stand: There is NO WAY that the cross is higher than ODP.

another semester

700 miles later + a few really good days with friends and I am back in classes. I'm excited about the ones I'm taking this semester. I have a really great Auditions class that will be super hard but so good for me. My schedule in general will be pretty crazy. On Mondays I will have rehearsal from 3:30-10:00 so I've got to go into work at Campus Ministries in the morning before my classes. It will be intense, but sooo exciting!

Today was an ipod day. Every so often I'll wake up and just know that it is an ipod day. Music is one of the Lord's biggest ministries to me so I carry that ipod with me on days I know will be extra tough or I can feel my spirit wavering and so on my way to classes I can be reminded to turn my focus on Him and that He is greater than my heart and in perfect control. I just love Him so much. I am absolutely dependent on the Lord...God save me from the days and the moments within every day that I forget this and fool myself into independence.

The wedding of Britney, my best friend from highschool and Erin, me, and Joy, her honorary bridesmaids. 

I got to spend a few hours today with these girls who are some of my closest friends from high school. Britney got married three weeks ago to another one of our high school friends, Mitch. They never dated back in the day, but went off to college and have been together since freshman year. It was really good to spend all that time with them. A lot of our conversation though was spent telling old stories and bringing up random people we went to grade school with or who the most recently engaged friends are. I hope that one day I live in the same city with them and we can become really close again. The three of them went to Auburn together and sometimes I'm sad about everything I missed out on with them, but without a doubt I know PBA was the right place for me to go and I wouldn't change that decision for a second.

It looks like me and my friend Amy are driving to Nashville tomorrow to try and go to some of the Passion conference. John Piper, Beth Moore, Watermark, Shane & Shane...I know, yeah we've got to try and get in even though tickets are supposedly sold out. But with 17,000 seats there's bound to be plenty of folks who didn't show up for registration. We'll see...it'll be an adventure and good time for me and her.

note to guys: ask that pretty girl to dance

For New Year's Eve I attended the wedding of my sister's childhood best friend, Catherine Reddick. Huge southern wedding with three Pastors Officiating, 13 bridesmaids, and at least that number of honorary attendants as well. A little too large for my taste, but it did make for a fun reception with so many people to mingle with.

Best part of the evening for me was dancing with my Daddy! He is so great and I can always count on him to make me look good on the dance floor at a wedding or anywhere there's dancing. We walked off to the claps of some onlookers...made my night. Now I LOVE to dance so I was definitely out there with everyone on some of the fun-to-dance-with-a-crowd numbers, but oh how I longed the rest of the night for some guy to twirl me around. He wouldn't have had to say his name or look at me the rest of the evening. There is just something so special about being asked to dance. That someone notices you and sees such a fun spirit that he is compelled to show you a good time dancing...it doesn't get any better for a woman. I am independent and happy, but on nights like last night I do look forward to a day when I'll have a permanent dance partner and he will delight in dancing with me like my Dad does. Even for girls who don't love to dance as much as I, most women long to be twirled, so guys, get a couple lessons and get out there on the dance floor!